The Subtle Way We Tell Girls They’re Not Enough

Being a girl should never be the insult.

Over the holiday weekend, we were around many different families for several days of swimming, tubing, snacks, fireworks, and kids running wild from sunup to sundown.

Our daughter was the only girl in the mix, but if you know her, you know that didn’t phase her one bit. She kept up, held her own, and outlasted most of the boys. She’s scrappy, fearless, and full of fire. But what stuck with us were some comments we overheard. Well-meaning, casually said, and probably unnoticed by most:

"You’re crying like a little girl." "She’s tougher than y’all—and she’s a girl!" "She’s more of a man than my boys!"

Even when it’s unintentional, this kind of language still lands. And it landed hard for our daughter. It didn’t make her feel proud. It made her feel like being a girl wasn’t enough. Like there was something wrong with who she is. As if the only way for her strength to be recognized was if it could be compared to a boy’s.

But our daughter isn’t strong because she was “acting like a boy.” She’s strong because she’s herself—a bold, brave, brilliant girl. And she doesn’t need to borrow masculine traits to prove her worth.

When we tell boys they’re “acting like a girl” as an insult, or praise a girl for being “more of a man,” we’re reinforcing the message that femininity is something weak. Something to rise above. Something to be ashamed of. And that message isn’t harmless. It sticks.

So I brought it to their attention, kindly. Because I know their hearts are good—but I also know how words shape kids. I reminded them that she wasn’t tough in spite of being a girl—she was tough because she is one. And she deserves to hear that.

Let’s stop treating strength as something gendered. Let’s stop acting like being a girl is a hurdle to overcome. Let’s raise girls who are proud to be girls.

Don’t teach her that strength only counts when it looks like a boy’s.